Worst Pickup Attempt, EVER.

So I’m gonna do a "story post". I don’t think I’ve ever done this before, so I hope it’s okay. But this is just two weird and too funny to resist. It’s long, but it’s worth it, especially for my ladies.

So this morning, I woke up feeling sick. I have a really bad sore throat and my nose is a little runny. As well as feeling like crap, I look like crap today. I literally just threw my hair up in a pony tail, grabbed a band tee, shorts, and ran out the door. I probably look really hungover. But I have no one to impress at school so I really don’t care.

My sister and I go to the same school so most days we drive in together and leave together. In the time we have between our classes, we study. This morning is one of those mornings. She has class from 10 to 1, and I have class from 3 to 6. So, in the mean time I do homework with minimal distraction. It works out well, and I rarely have homework I have to do at home. ^_^

So this morning after seeing my sister to class, I went to the ‘quiet study area’. So I’m working for about ten minutes, a guy walks up to me and asks if he can leave his stuff on my table for a couple minutes (I assume he had to go to the bathroom or something and didn’t wanna take all his stuff with him). So I said “no problem” and he left. I went back to my work.

Next thing I know, he’s back. He sits down and starts to work.

There are like, 15 empty tables and he sits at mine.

I don’t know how to explain this, and I hope I’m not a horrible person for it, but I get really uncomfortable sitting with someone I don’t know. Even at the movies. I have sociaphobia so that probably has something to do with it. But regardless, I like to think it’s common sense to leave someone hard at work ALONE.

I wanted to get up and leave, but I didn’t. I thought, maybe he’s lonely... maybe he just moved here and doesn’t know anyone. I decided to be nice, and stay in my seat, but I kept working.

After a couple minutes he started talking to me, so I took out my headphones and humoured him. He told me he was taking accounting because he wanted to be rich and own a yacht, but he said it like he was inviting me to his imaginary yacht. I said, “That’s nice.”

He asked me what program I was in. I told him I was talking courses so I could work in doctors’ offices and hospitals. He then showed me his wrist with a hospital band on it, and told me he had been hit by a car. A Nissan, and he had an MRI.

I asked him if he was okay. He said “yes”. I said “good”. I went back to work.

Next thing I know I hear him complain about his ‘massive’ text book. Mine is bigger. He tried to make it sound like his was bigger. I put my head back down.

In a couple minutes, I looked up to rest my eyes from reading my text book. And that’s when things got weird. He had rolled up his t-shirt sleeves and was flexing his biceps staring at me. I instinctively wanted to barf/ laugh my head off, but I restrained myself. Not only was the whole thing pathetic, but his bicep had a tattoo of a tree with a carved face on it. It kinda looked like this.

I looked back down, and tried to focus on my work. After a while he stopped staring and went back to reading his ‘massive’ text book.

My laptop battery started dying, I was ecstatic. My way out! I needed to find a plug! I put my stuff in my bag. As I was packing up, he said “I take boxing”, while still flexing. I said “Cool.”

Then he put the nail in the coffin. Looking at me he said, “I wish I had a punching bag.”

I looked at him for a second. Was he high? Was that a perverted innuendo, or just a really pathetic attempt to start a conversation so I wouldn’t leave? Did he want me to be a punching bag? It kinda reminded me of that episode of friends when Ross tries to prove he can flirt by hitting on the pizza delivery girl, and ends up talking to her about gas.

I said, “I have to meet my sister.” I started walking away. I heard him say, “You have a sister!?! Me too!!!”

I kept walking. I’m never going to the ‘quiet study area’ again.